The words echoed in Elizabeth’s ears and panic seized her, bringing a sting of tears to her eyes. What have I done? Elizabeth wondered as she grasped the sheets tightly. What haven’t I done?

The figure came closer, parting the fabric that surrounded the bed as if they were gossamer wings. Elizabeth’s breath caught at the sight of the shadowy shape hinting at an athletic man. A whisper formed on her lips, passing between the space between them with a sigh. ” Luke.”

Tension filled the air as the man reached over and flicked on the bedside lamp. Tears slid unwelcome down her face as she realized her mistake. This wasn’t Luke; it could never be Luke. He had died over two years before, and no amount of wishing could change that. The pain in her heart was mirrored in the eyes of the man sitting on the edge of the bed.

”I’m not Luke, Elizabeth. I can never be him.” Anger filled his deep voice and eyes, but Elizabeth could hear something else, something that sounded like regret.

“I’m sorry, Jessie. I—I wasn’t thinking,” Elizabeth stammered, shame causing her to look down at her clenched hand, the hand that was bare of the wedding ring she had worn these past ten years. The white line on her skin was the only reminder of what had been resting on her finger, what had been resting on her heart.

Jessie followed her gaze and when she glanced up at him, she saw so many questions on his lean face.

He was beautiful; she could finally admit that. Could finally admit that she moved toward him like waves toward the shore, but it scared her more than a lifetime of being without Luke.

Jessie’s dark brown hair glinted with the slightest shade of honey, matching the warm, golden depths of his eyes. Staring into them, Elizabeth found herself drifting in their gentle sweetness, feeling both dizzy and steady.

No. She squeezed her eyes shut to stop the flow of emotions that flashed in her own green eyes. They’re not clear blue, Elizabeth silently berated herself. They aren’t Luke’s eyes. They don’t fill with light when I enter the room.

Jessie watched Elizabeth, her short brown hair tousled and smelling like the crisp, clean scent of newly fallen snow. The same snow that he had dried away from those errant locks only a few hours before. Snow that had left both her full carmine-coloured lips and sun-kissed skin cold and blue. Fear had crushed his heart as he had raced her back to the cabin and wrapped her in warm clothes and blankets. Only the lightest of breaths had proven that she was still alive in his arms. Why had she done it? Did she miss Luke that much that she was willing to give up her life to be with him?

Anger swept through him. “Why did you do it?”

Elizabeth’s glorious eyes shot open and confusion filled the emerald depths like mud clouding an inviting lagoon. Her lips parted around the question but she shook her head, clearing it of doubt. “How did I get here?” she countered, not ready to answer the question, not knowing how to.

“I found you in the meadow, under the tree. I carried you back here,” his voice was steady, but Elizabeth could feel his anger wash over her. He hadn’t needed to say which meadow or which tree; he knew that she understood him. It wasn’t Jessie’s meadow; it was theirs, hers and Luke’s.

Oh God, Luke, pain squeezed her heart and for a moment the room that she was resting in disappeared and all she could see was the hospital room where they had spent so many hours. Luke’s smile never waned even though his body did, the once strong body that the cancer had eaten away at until he was too weak to live any longer. She had tried to keep him here, had thought that her love would be enough to overcome the illness, but it hadn’t; she hadn’t been enough.

Jessie had been there with her, Luke’s oldest friend. They had both made their own promises to Luke, promises of life after him, promises of taking care of each other, helping each other through their pain but Jessie had been the only one who had kept his promises. Elizabeth hadn’t moved on, she had merely floated in the sea of memories that her and Luke had created. She hadn’t wanted to live, had only wanted to be struck down so that she could find herself in Luke’s arms again. God hadn’t answered her prayers, not when Luke was alive and certainly not after Luke had died; she would never hold Luke again.

Jessie had been there at Luke’s bedside alternating times when Elizabeth herself couldn’t be there. He had known Luke since they were kids and Elizabeth knew that Luke was not only Jessie’s best friend but also the only person he thought of as family. As Luke’s wife, Jessie had extended that family to include her and she knew he felt an obligation to her because of that.

Even though both men had never said anything, Elizabeth knew that Jessie’s last promise to Luke before he died had been to take care of her, to make sure that no harm befell the only woman Luke had ever loved. Jessie had done the only thing he could do, he had been there for her; at the funeral when he had held her hand in silence, and through the weeks that followed when he would call her unexpectedly or drop by to check on her. He had been there, seeing her through the hardest times of her life. Even when life had separated them for a time, she would find him, months later, on her doorstep and they would fall back into the pattern of companionship that they had grown to enjoy.

Elizabeth didn’t know when she had started falling in love with Jessie. Perhaps it was in the first few weeks after Luke had died, when Jessie had been her compass. Maybe it had only been the last few months, when she would find herself thinking of him while she worked, wondering when his next visit would be and how long he would stay with her. Regardless of when it started she knew that the realization had come only that night, when they had driven up to the cabin that all three of them had rented years before.

The evening was spent like any other, laughing about their times with Luke, remembering his love for both of him. Then the laughter quieted, bittersweet tension filled the air and they were pulled towards each other like two stars colliding. When the kiss ended, Elizabeth had felt like the world she had created for herself was collapsing and she ran blinded by tears into the snow-shrouded night.

Elizabeth shook herself from her reverie,” I’m sorry,” the words soft and filled with things left unsaid. I’m sorry for falling in love with you. I’m sorry that you can’t love me back. I’m sorry that Luke made you promise to take care of me.

Tears shimmered in her eyes but Jessie found himself angrier with her for everything she hadn’t said. He reached out and cupped her delicate cheek, softly rubbing his calloused thumb over the cleft of her chin. He felt her stiffen and his hands dropped to her shoulders, resting limply against her. He could feel her bones through the flannel nightshirt he had dressed her in. She felt so frail and delicate, like a china doll that would break in his large hands. Where had the radiant and lithe woman gone? Had she mourned Luke that much that she had allowed herself to drift away to nothing? His eyes beseeched hers and when Elizabeth turned away to stare at the snow drifting down on a tapestry of black velvet beyond the window, he whispered, “Elizabeth, speak to me.”

She continued to ignore him, her thoughts turned inwards, not seeing the world around her but some other world. For the first time in his life Jessie felt jealous of Luke, jealous of his warm and vibrant friend who was the opposite of his dark, six foot six frame. Luke had been the small guy, athletic and sunny with his blond hair and blue eyes. He had drawn women with his natural charm and his winning smile but Jessie had never envied him. He had quietly gone through life, a darker, more serious companion who had seen the way the world could hurt you. Even when Luke had caught the eye of the pretty brunette sophomore that he later married, Jessie hadn’t been jealous, even though he had loved Elizabeth from the very moment she had walked into their college class.

Now though, as he watched Elizabeth, he was jealous of Luke, jealous that he still held her heart two years after he had left her. He had spent months praying to God that he could take Luke’s place but in the end, Jessie was left hating Luke for leaving her alone and destroyed. What am I doing, he asked himself, his one hand slipping from her shoulder to push the thick hair off his forehead, she’s still in love with Luke; she could never love me.

The need to hear the words from Elizabeth overwhelmed him and he grabbed her shoulders, shaking her. He could feel his anger drain and his desperation grow. He needed to get this over with, move on and know that he had fulfilled his promise to Luke to watch over her for as long as he could. If his own promise went unfinished, that was the price he was willing to pay just to continue on.

Elizabeth’s head jerked back and fell against the white pillow making her hair seem more like ebony then the chestnut hue it usually was. Her green eyes shimmered in the dim light and she gazed at him with confusion, her body shaking in…fright. She’s scared of me, he thought.

“Why did you go out there, Elizabeth? You could have died, don’t you know that,” Jessie’s eyes filled with unshed tears as his hands squeezed her shoulders trying to will her to say something. When his words were met by silence, he continued to fill the space,” Is that what you wanted? Do you want to die so you can go to him? Did you race out to the meadow to die?”

Elizabeth’s head swam from all the questions but she couldn’t find her voice to answer. Jessie was so angry with her. The meadow had been such a special place for her and Luke. It was in that meadow, under that tree where Jessie had found her tonight, where she and Luke had made love for the first time. It had been the place where Luke had proposed.

“No, no,” Elizabeth’s voice gained strength and conviction as she talked,” I wasn’t trying to die. I just wanted to be closer to Luke. I just needed time to think.”

“In the middle of a blizzard. Without your coat? What were you thinking?” Jessie pulled away from her and began to pace the room.

The gossamer fabric fluttered in the breeze of his passing and Elizabeth suddenly felt cold without him close to her. Sinking deeper into the blankets Elizabeth watched him pace like a caged tiger, ready to spring on her and tear her to shreds, “I wasn’t thinking. I was just reacting. I needed to be where I felt close to Luke. I needed to talk to him,” raising her hand, she silenced the words that were forming on Jessie’s lips, “not tomorrow. I needed to talk to him now. I needed to say…”

The words died in the air between them. Jessie stopped pacing and turned to look out the same window she had been staring out only moments before. His shoulders slumping as he silently finished the words for her, you needed to tell him that you would always love him, that our kiss was a mistake.

Elizabeth bit her lip, terrified at what she had almost said, deciding finally to avoid the disappointment of Jessie not loving her. “I know that Luke asked you to take care of me Jessie. I don’t want you to feel obligated to do it anymore.”

She could see tension fill his wide shoulders from her perch on the bed and she ached to reach out and ease the pain from them. Her hands gripped the sheet again and she found herself counting to still the flutter in her heart as she continued,” It’s been two years and I’ve learned to live without him. I have my bad days,” a sorrowful smile crossed her lips as she remember herself tonight, kneeling in the cold snow, tears streaming down her face and the wind pulling at her clothes as she explained to the empty meadow how she had fallen in love with Jessie.

“But they are getting farther apart. You don’t need to make sure that I get on with my life, you need to start worrying about you getting on with yours.” The thought of Jessie falling in love with someone else hurt more then she could believe. She felt the tears slipping from her eyes at the bitterness of the irony. Finally, after two long years, she had kept her promise to Luke and found love again. She was finally getting on with her life only to grieve for a man she could never have, a man who would never love her.

Jessie turned slowly from the window, his eyes shone in the darkness with years of pain and guilt that he had never released. His strides carried him swiftly to the bed and he hesitated before opening the curtains. His voice was even deeper then it had been earlier, despair lacing his sombre tone as he murmured,” I don’t want to get on with my life, Elizabeth, not if it means living without you.”

Elizabeth started, her eyes searched his as he fell to his knees beside her, his hands clutching the covers as he stared at her with naked emotion playing across his face,” I’m sorry, Elizabeth. I have fought it for so many years but I can’t anymore. I love you, I have loved you forever and I will love you for eternity. I don’t want to lose you and if that means that I can’t measure up to the love you had for Luke, at least let me be with you as a friend. I’ll take whatever you want to give me.”

Jessie hated the vulnerability he could hear in his voice but the thought of walking away from her, or worse of her walking away from him, had brought all his fears out into the open. He could never compete with the memories she had of Luke but he was willing to be second best.

Elizabeth leaned toward him, her long slender fingers slid along the backs of his hands, her tears splashed against his fingertips as she leaned towards him. “I will always love Luke. He was my first love, and I will cherish the memories I have of him.” Defeated, Jessie tried to pull his hands away but Elizabeth held them tight.” I went out in the storm tonight, not because I wanted to die. I went out because I needed to tell Luke that I had fallen in love again.”

Hope shone in Jessie’s eyes as Elizabeth crawled closer to him, “I love you, Jessie. I have loved you for a long time and I finally realized it tonight.”

Jessie reached out and pulled her to him. His face tilted up to her as Elizabeth bent down towards him. Their lips touched and Jessie moved towards her, rising so he could crush her against his chest. Warmth sparked from Elizabeth’s lips and spiralled down her body in dizzying waves leaving her with a feeling of elation. Jessie tasted like the sweetest of honey and his warm breath infused her as he broke the kiss. “I love you, Elizabeth,” he whispered on the air between them.

Elizabeth felt a humming spread through her body as she looked into his golden eyes, “and I love you, Jessie,” she answered.

Curling her into his body, they fell back on the bed, her head resting on his shoulder, his hand rubbing her back, their lips touching over and over again as she reached up to taste him.

The snow through the window continued to fall in the black velvety night, like a million stars shooting across the sky, while Jessie and Elizabeth lay in each other’s arms whispering of the future before them.

The End